Tag Archives: speakthemind

Motherhood Dare- from my eyes !

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I have never been the kids coochy coo type Period. Albeit I was what we they conventionally call or at least I thought myself to be a full-fledged “grown up”, the idea of going to a place where kids were around made me anxious. Why did not god drop them straight all prim & sophisticated I once thought?

Four years back from now things changed significantly for me when I delivered. By bringing in a new life to this world I felt a phenomenal sense of power that by nature’s grace we women are blessed with. I saw my heart thumping outside my body and I knew life would never be same again. Once you have a baby all the pre-delivery pampering and Mr husband keeping with your midnight hunger pangs and the entire family going gaga over you looks like history. Guess what? It is your little marshmallow who happens to take away the whole of paparazzi leaving you with a nightmare that every woman dreads –“The Post-Delivery Fat”.  I was blessed with some of the fabulous genes and got back into shape a little too soon but dealt with my bit of post-partum too. Apart from all this I was experiencing a great sense of completeness like never before and the answer to my inexplicable happiness was the one I was holding closely –“Our Little Piece Of Heart“.

But I realised being a mommy is much more than just looking good holding a cute little baby in your arms. There are a lot of sleepless nights, gut wrenching moments, at times it’s messy, annoying, and monotonous and yet you want to live every bit of it downright and happily. You learn to wear those stretch marks with utmost pride.  It has been a perfect & not so perfect motherhood for me and I did encounter a self that I had not known ever. The less self-conceited, ever optimistic myself and also the perpetually paranoid, overtly possessive lioness who is utterly hopelessly obsessed with her offspring, undeniably this is what I had become & it was natural coz I had never held anyone so delicately tiny before. I was completely head over heels in love with him, “I still am”. Neither a lover nor a wife or a daughter but only a mother is capable of being so much & even more.  Even I do not know the extent to which I can go to protect my baby. He has given me the courage to live this phase of life, has changed me inside out, softened me yet made me stronger, strong in way like never before yet left me so vulnerable.

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Being a mother has changed my perception towards life. I have happily strived every day waking up to a better version of myself and I intend to do that all my life.  We are growing together building little dreams with playing blocks. I am learning from him reviving my long forgotten innocence & teaching him the ways of living. I am celebrating my rebirth.

Four years back when love happened all over again I had a reason bigger to live.So,welcome aboard ladies  “…its motherhood – another hood and if you are here you’re here for good…”

Meghna.

Motherhood dare- I accept!

Almost 8 months ago when I found out that I was expecting, I was shattered. I remember I tested myself with a home pregnancy kit because I was a day late for my period. I always used to keep these testers handy with me. I had experienced many false alarms but every time I just knew that I couldn’t have conceived. It’s just one of those things that are close to you and you know when and where things could’ve gone wrong. However this time, I knew there was a possibility to have knowingly made this oversight.

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It was a Saturday evening and I was expecting friends over for dinner. After all that garlicky cooking, I decided to head in for a shower at about 5.30 in the evening, as they were expected to be home by 7.30. I took a tester, did the needful and patiently waited for the result. I was always used to see it say ‘Not Pregnant’ and somehow I hallucinated to see the same. But no, that blue and white stick flashed ‘Pregnant, 2-3 weeks’! I sat there, numb, tears rolling down my cheeks and I had no idea how to react. Was I happy or was I crying on my stupidity, I don’t know. On that day, sitting in the vicinity of the four walls of my bathroom, the only thought that kept flashing through was how could one night of irresponsibility lead to a lifetime of responsibility.

But that was then, and this is now. Each day leading to this was a struggle. I was not the easiest pregnant woman to deal or live with. Emotions ran high, sometimes situations were not in my favour and most of the times I didn’t want to be around anyone. My body changed, nothing fitted me. I wasn’t my toned self anymore. I feared my husband would start hating me and the way I looked. I mean, there was a phase when I was convinced that he had no physical interest in me. But again, that was then and this is now.

Every phase and chapter of life is important and it chooses to come at the right time. We cannot ever question its timing, only feel it. I felt a sense of power which only a woman can feel; that was the day I felt my baby kick. I am bearing a child, giving him space to be nurtured and this can only be felt by me. Women who haven’t been through this yet would feel I am talking exactly how other to-be mothers do. I probably am. Because no matter how much I write, no one can understand this until you go through it yourself.

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I am not a mother yet and to be honest, I am scared to actually be one. But this time, this will never come back. My baby’s kicks, hiccups, turns and somersaults, his/her growth, that feeling of feeling it grow is unbelievable. Nature and a woman’s body is designed to naturally take this pain in a beautiful manner. It’s amazing how superpowers above have actually taken care of the minutest of detail in crafting this immaculate evolution/ mechanism, whatever you want to call it.

I wanted to travel the world and achieve the heights of success I had planned for myself. For now, all this is on hold but not forgotten. Life doesn’t stop here, we don’t stop living for ourselves. And this little one inside me will be my source of strength and power. I can’t wait to the unconditional love and cutie cute cuddles which would be solely for me. I can’t wait to see what you have inherited from me. I can’t wait for you to shine and bring tears to my eyes. Little one, I can’t wait to see you.

 

Aastha K Singhania

Introducing, Candidly Caught!

You light up my overcast,
& keep the figments of that fondness in your heart,
While my Dreams  unlax on your homespun sheet
Wontedly I pour out & sleep,
& I wish if in this dead of night,
How I wish You were presence with essence & life,
And then agilely I wish again this could not be true,
I’d live pining for my onliest partner my unshared lifeless you,
I scribble you blue & fill you up with me,
Tried & true Your faith as sturdy as it can be,
Never you think things through ,
Dear diary, I confess of revelling in the intimacy I share with you.
The out-cold one who holds on the fierce waves of my ocean,
I reckon on no other, but you.

Life is a bitch. No, I am not going to put my ‘b’ word in asterix. Life is a fucking bitch. There, I said it! It is not easy to put out what you think and feel. More than half of us never do. And those who do are either columnists or writers who are always under ‘the’ scanner. We generally tend to keep it as a dialogue between our mind, conscience and heart, letting either of them win over to make the decisions we make. We don’t express our natural self, which is the biggest shame for a human like you and me. And why? We feel we get judged by many- society, family, sometimes your own husband/partner. And so the mind tells us to sometimes keep shut, for the best.

That makes me come to the point about why we are here? Well, Meghna and I come from a similar background and family structure. So much so that, we feel we are on the same boat as far as family life, social obligations and deep-rooted visions and feelings are concerned even when we live in different parts of the world. We thought, it would be interesting to mould the two worlds together which run on the same background. Eventually we then thought of creating a platform for people to come forward and share whatever is in their heart, assuming we are your closed diaries, which you always wished to come to life and never judged a single word of what you wrote in it. It takes a lot of courage to pick up a pen or type on your keyboard and pour your good or bad self out. We have gathered ours and are here to give you strength to come out.

Simply, what happens when one day you might want your diary/conscience to come alive because you had so much you wanted to share. But then that fear stopped you and you wished that never happens because your dark secrets, desires might get you judged by the most important people in your world.You maybe as transparent as water to your spouses/best friends but there is always a corner in your heart which no one knows about whilst you harbour it with deep care. And so we wanted to create this space as an answer to all your inner frustrations. You’re free to write ‘anonymously’ till whenever you feel comfortable to bring your real self out. You can comment, blabber, scream, shout, give one-liners, 2 paragraphs, 2 pages, we don’t care.

The ‘Candidly Caught’ is to bring the candid you out. Here, we talk about everything under the sun; from dreams to destinations, from travel to test of life, from recipes to fashion trends, from your winnings to the lessons learnt, practically, everything! You can agree to disagree, and engage in a healthy discussion, giving way to restoring freedom of speech, which seems to have been lost in our country.We would love to hear from you, offer solutions and sometimes probably just cry with you with similar situations.

Lets begin this happy healthy journey, which we hope will be full of laughter, decisions, solutions and secrets! Watch this space for more.

Yours lovingly,

Meghna and Aastha

P.S We are reachable at candidlycaught@gmail.com, Facebook page: Candidly Caught and of course at the blog. We should be available for live chat soon. But till then…