Tag Archives: baby

Keeping up with ‘the baby’

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I have been trying to write for the past month. Dissatisfied with whatever I penned down, I realised there is nothing that can describe what I feel at the moment. Every day I would think, “let me type something, something that would describe my emotions”; but each day is a new day. New feelings, new things, new topics to learn. In the midst of this how this little boy is growing up is unbelievable.

The crazy life of motherhood has finally dawned upon me! Ironically, a wonderfully weird feeling is what I have. It is something no mother or parent can describe for I haven’t loved anyone like I love this little boy. This love overpowers any other love that I’ve ever had for anyone. Apologies to past boyfriends, husband and even parents coz’ this is something else altogether. He came, with a little difficultly, enamoured everyone around and now sits collecting love from one and all. And why not? First of many and undivided attention from all. 

Undivided attention and more- it gets too much sometimes. For quite a while I felt that everyone was obsessing over him, so was I. I am a possessive mother and probably will be. I wanted him to be around me every second of the clock. There were those kind of days as well when I would just sit and stare at him, teary-eyed and think, “what the hell what I thinking? I could’ve waited for a little longer”. Thoughts like these are normal I guess. The initial days are blurry with the highest and lowest of emotions I have ever experienced. This was Month 1 and I felt as if I knew it all. However, I still get crazed out when I get 10 different notions on the same subject.

But you know every mother and child is different. What suited you may not suit me and vice versa. The journey of motherhood is for you and your baby. Discover, falter and you will learn. Every mother does and that is what makes it so beautiful. On the way you will develop a sixth sense that will tell you what the baby wants at different hours of the day. In the first two-three days that I was back from hospital, I had major issues with breastfeeding (by the way, breastfeeding can become a matter of concern with mums who underwent caesarean surgeries). I was one of them and Arhaan, my son, was losing weight (note, he was born underweight). I was the culprit, wasn’t I? I felt it so. Guilty as charged. In hindsight, the fault is no ones. But I did fret over it for we take it as our sole duty to feed our children, provide them with the best nourishment. It has not worked the way I had planned it in my head- breastfeed for atleast six months, lose weight (as apparently breastfeeding makes you get back to shape), and freeze any excess that I could produce, blah blah. I have friends who were lucky to be able to follow this step by step. With all hearsay and the confidence that I had in myself, I had bought the milk freezing packs which obviously I had to return. No such luck here!img_0894-copy

So we had to turn to formula milk which my baby loves. But hey, there is nothing wrong with this alternative. So many grew up taking this option in hand. Don’t let this feeling defeat your strength and take the essence of motherhood out of you. The problem becomes when breastfeeding becomes a chore and you can’t wait to get past the crucial 6 weeks to get out of it. Go with the flow, obviously giving feeding from the breast priority. However, do not forget that there is a second option to turn to. It is absolutely okay to do so. A new mother’s peace of mind is of utmost importance. I can say this as it whacked me out emotionally till good guidance calmed my nerves down, only for the better. Slowly but surely, pace picks up and you can always come back to breastfeeding when you can comfortably. 

 But you know what crazed me out further? One question that people take the liberty to ask- “Are you breastfeeding? I hope you are”, or “Try this food, or that laddoo, or this seed or that leaves”. Literally, a milking cow is what I felt like; chewing on some leafy greens only to produce ‘the milk’. I didn’t take this very well. Especially when I was not able to breastfeed the way a mother is supposed to. I don’t see why someone needs to push themselves into a space that I’ve made quite comfortable for both my baby and me. Women new to motherhood need someone to lend a soothing ear and words so they don’t feel lost in the process. Women, on one another, can become very overbearing at times. With such vicissitudes raging in a woman, peer pressure can act catalyst to onset of post natal depression. Be careful in how you deal with a new mum. I was on the brink of turning into a witchier witch. Turning towards a hands-on mother in law, caring mother and supportive husband helped.

Month 2: And so my baby is not exclusively breastfed, but is breastfed. So peace was established here. I am calmer, we are in a routine* and he’s growing up quickly right in front of my eyes. Because there were a lot of people around me, post natal depression was best avoided. Keep family and friends close and don’t shy away from asking for help. Having your own mother around, there couldn’t be anything better than that. Fortunately, I had that luxury. No complains there. A new chapter in life has just begun and (touching all wood around me) it’s safe to say that I’m enjoying being a mother. For now, aim is to lose weight, get back to work, see Arhaan grow and exchange unconditional love! I have found a new best friend who responds to me in his own language (funny enough, I think I can understand what he says). He recognises me and I can see the love right there. We’re keeping up with each other and the madness awaits!

 Aastha K S

*conditions apply

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Motherhood Dare- from my eyes !

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I have never been the kids coochy coo type Period. Albeit I was what we they conventionally call or at least I thought myself to be a full-fledged “grown up”, the idea of going to a place where kids were around made me anxious. Why did not god drop them straight all prim & sophisticated I once thought?

Four years back from now things changed significantly for me when I delivered. By bringing in a new life to this world I felt a phenomenal sense of power that by nature’s grace we women are blessed with. I saw my heart thumping outside my body and I knew life would never be same again. Once you have a baby all the pre-delivery pampering and Mr husband keeping with your midnight hunger pangs and the entire family going gaga over you looks like history. Guess what? It is your little marshmallow who happens to take away the whole of paparazzi leaving you with a nightmare that every woman dreads –“The Post-Delivery Fat”.  I was blessed with some of the fabulous genes and got back into shape a little too soon but dealt with my bit of post-partum too. Apart from all this I was experiencing a great sense of completeness like never before and the answer to my inexplicable happiness was the one I was holding closely –“Our Little Piece Of Heart“.

But I realised being a mommy is much more than just looking good holding a cute little baby in your arms. There are a lot of sleepless nights, gut wrenching moments, at times it’s messy, annoying, and monotonous and yet you want to live every bit of it downright and happily. You learn to wear those stretch marks with utmost pride.  It has been a perfect & not so perfect motherhood for me and I did encounter a self that I had not known ever. The less self-conceited, ever optimistic myself and also the perpetually paranoid, overtly possessive lioness who is utterly hopelessly obsessed with her offspring, undeniably this is what I had become & it was natural coz I had never held anyone so delicately tiny before. I was completely head over heels in love with him, “I still am”. Neither a lover nor a wife or a daughter but only a mother is capable of being so much & even more.  Even I do not know the extent to which I can go to protect my baby. He has given me the courage to live this phase of life, has changed me inside out, softened me yet made me stronger, strong in way like never before yet left me so vulnerable.

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Being a mother has changed my perception towards life. I have happily strived every day waking up to a better version of myself and I intend to do that all my life.  We are growing together building little dreams with playing blocks. I am learning from him reviving my long forgotten innocence & teaching him the ways of living. I am celebrating my rebirth.

Four years back when love happened all over again I had a reason bigger to live.So,welcome aboard ladies  “…its motherhood – another hood and if you are here you’re here for good…”

Meghna.

Motherhood dare- I accept!

Almost 8 months ago when I found out that I was expecting, I was shattered. I remember I tested myself with a home pregnancy kit because I was a day late for my period. I always used to keep these testers handy with me. I had experienced many false alarms but every time I just knew that I couldn’t have conceived. It’s just one of those things that are close to you and you know when and where things could’ve gone wrong. However this time, I knew there was a possibility to have knowingly made this oversight.

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It was a Saturday evening and I was expecting friends over for dinner. After all that garlicky cooking, I decided to head in for a shower at about 5.30 in the evening, as they were expected to be home by 7.30. I took a tester, did the needful and patiently waited for the result. I was always used to see it say ‘Not Pregnant’ and somehow I hallucinated to see the same. But no, that blue and white stick flashed ‘Pregnant, 2-3 weeks’! I sat there, numb, tears rolling down my cheeks and I had no idea how to react. Was I happy or was I crying on my stupidity, I don’t know. On that day, sitting in the vicinity of the four walls of my bathroom, the only thought that kept flashing through was how could one night of irresponsibility lead to a lifetime of responsibility.

But that was then, and this is now. Each day leading to this was a struggle. I was not the easiest pregnant woman to deal or live with. Emotions ran high, sometimes situations were not in my favour and most of the times I didn’t want to be around anyone. My body changed, nothing fitted me. I wasn’t my toned self anymore. I feared my husband would start hating me and the way I looked. I mean, there was a phase when I was convinced that he had no physical interest in me. But again, that was then and this is now.

Every phase and chapter of life is important and it chooses to come at the right time. We cannot ever question its timing, only feel it. I felt a sense of power which only a woman can feel; that was the day I felt my baby kick. I am bearing a child, giving him space to be nurtured and this can only be felt by me. Women who haven’t been through this yet would feel I am talking exactly how other to-be mothers do. I probably am. Because no matter how much I write, no one can understand this until you go through it yourself.

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I am not a mother yet and to be honest, I am scared to actually be one. But this time, this will never come back. My baby’s kicks, hiccups, turns and somersaults, his/her growth, that feeling of feeling it grow is unbelievable. Nature and a woman’s body is designed to naturally take this pain in a beautiful manner. It’s amazing how superpowers above have actually taken care of the minutest of detail in crafting this immaculate evolution/ mechanism, whatever you want to call it.

I wanted to travel the world and achieve the heights of success I had planned for myself. For now, all this is on hold but not forgotten. Life doesn’t stop here, we don’t stop living for ourselves. And this little one inside me will be my source of strength and power. I can’t wait to the unconditional love and cutie cute cuddles which would be solely for me. I can’t wait to see what you have inherited from me. I can’t wait for you to shine and bring tears to my eyes. Little one, I can’t wait to see you.

 

Aastha K Singhania