Monthly Archives: August 2016

Motherhood Dare- from my eyes !

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I have never been the kids coochy coo type Period. Albeit I was what we they conventionally call or at least I thought myself to be a full-fledged “grown up”, the idea of going to a place where kids were around made me anxious. Why did not god drop them straight all prim & sophisticated I once thought?

Four years back from now things changed significantly for me when I delivered. By bringing in a new life to this world I felt a phenomenal sense of power that by nature’s grace we women are blessed with. I saw my heart thumping outside my body and I knew life would never be same again. Once you have a baby all the pre-delivery pampering and Mr husband keeping with your midnight hunger pangs and the entire family going gaga over you looks like history. Guess what? It is your little marshmallow who happens to take away the whole of paparazzi leaving you with a nightmare that every woman dreads –“The Post-Delivery Fat”.  I was blessed with some of the fabulous genes and got back into shape a little too soon but dealt with my bit of post-partum too. Apart from all this I was experiencing a great sense of completeness like never before and the answer to my inexplicable happiness was the one I was holding closely –“Our Little Piece Of Heart“.

But I realised being a mommy is much more than just looking good holding a cute little baby in your arms. There are a lot of sleepless nights, gut wrenching moments, at times it’s messy, annoying, and monotonous and yet you want to live every bit of it downright and happily. You learn to wear those stretch marks with utmost pride.  It has been a perfect & not so perfect motherhood for me and I did encounter a self that I had not known ever. The less self-conceited, ever optimistic myself and also the perpetually paranoid, overtly possessive lioness who is utterly hopelessly obsessed with her offspring, undeniably this is what I had become & it was natural coz I had never held anyone so delicately tiny before. I was completely head over heels in love with him, “I still am”. Neither a lover nor a wife or a daughter but only a mother is capable of being so much & even more.  Even I do not know the extent to which I can go to protect my baby. He has given me the courage to live this phase of life, has changed me inside out, softened me yet made me stronger, strong in way like never before yet left me so vulnerable.

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Being a mother has changed my perception towards life. I have happily strived every day waking up to a better version of myself and I intend to do that all my life.  We are growing together building little dreams with playing blocks. I am learning from him reviving my long forgotten innocence & teaching him the ways of living. I am celebrating my rebirth.

Four years back when love happened all over again I had a reason bigger to live.So,welcome aboard ladies  “…its motherhood – another hood and if you are here you’re here for good…”

Meghna.

Motherhood dare- I accept!

Almost 8 months ago when I found out that I was expecting, I was shattered. I remember I tested myself with a home pregnancy kit because I was a day late for my period. I always used to keep these testers handy with me. I had experienced many false alarms but every time I just knew that I couldn’t have conceived. It’s just one of those things that are close to you and you know when and where things could’ve gone wrong. However this time, I knew there was a possibility to have knowingly made this oversight.

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It was a Saturday evening and I was expecting friends over for dinner. After all that garlicky cooking, I decided to head in for a shower at about 5.30 in the evening, as they were expected to be home by 7.30. I took a tester, did the needful and patiently waited for the result. I was always used to see it say ‘Not Pregnant’ and somehow I hallucinated to see the same. But no, that blue and white stick flashed ‘Pregnant, 2-3 weeks’! I sat there, numb, tears rolling down my cheeks and I had no idea how to react. Was I happy or was I crying on my stupidity, I don’t know. On that day, sitting in the vicinity of the four walls of my bathroom, the only thought that kept flashing through was how could one night of irresponsibility lead to a lifetime of responsibility.

But that was then, and this is now. Each day leading to this was a struggle. I was not the easiest pregnant woman to deal or live with. Emotions ran high, sometimes situations were not in my favour and most of the times I didn’t want to be around anyone. My body changed, nothing fitted me. I wasn’t my toned self anymore. I feared my husband would start hating me and the way I looked. I mean, there was a phase when I was convinced that he had no physical interest in me. But again, that was then and this is now.

Every phase and chapter of life is important and it chooses to come at the right time. We cannot ever question its timing, only feel it. I felt a sense of power which only a woman can feel; that was the day I felt my baby kick. I am bearing a child, giving him space to be nurtured and this can only be felt by me. Women who haven’t been through this yet would feel I am talking exactly how other to-be mothers do. I probably am. Because no matter how much I write, no one can understand this until you go through it yourself.

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I am not a mother yet and to be honest, I am scared to actually be one. But this time, this will never come back. My baby’s kicks, hiccups, turns and somersaults, his/her growth, that feeling of feeling it grow is unbelievable. Nature and a woman’s body is designed to naturally take this pain in a beautiful manner. It’s amazing how superpowers above have actually taken care of the minutest of detail in crafting this immaculate evolution/ mechanism, whatever you want to call it.

I wanted to travel the world and achieve the heights of success I had planned for myself. For now, all this is on hold but not forgotten. Life doesn’t stop here, we don’t stop living for ourselves. And this little one inside me will be my source of strength and power. I can’t wait to the unconditional love and cutie cute cuddles which would be solely for me. I can’t wait to see what you have inherited from me. I can’t wait for you to shine and bring tears to my eyes. Little one, I can’t wait to see you.

 

Aastha K Singhania

We’re back!- with an apology

 

Allow us to begin with a heartfelt apology for disappearing soon after releasing our first blog. We couldn’t be more happy to tell you all why we have been away for so long. Things have changed for both Meghna and me and to our surprise, for the better. We are, however, truly sorry for not getting back on ‘Candidly Caught’ to announce, while our hearts rejoiced. Situations that needed attention engulfed us and we are here to tell you all why we have been away.

Meghna has achieved what most married women of a small city do not. After marriage her hopes and aspirations did not run low. In fact they reached higher than what she dreamed of. I’d rather let her do the talking and let it come from the horse’s mouth:

And about me- Well I was just ‘candidly catching’ up on my life as it came to me as a complete surprise in the last few months. I was swimming in the Arabian sea with my favourite bunch of old fishes from school , went on a week’s totally adulterated liquid diet, danced under the stars like never before, gave my best music exam so far (for an instrument I picked up just a year back)  & least that I expected after my extravagant girls holiday, I ended up clearing my third consecutive attempt at the research test (perhaps it took my santa quite a while loading his bag with all of these for me).    

Yay! I am pursuing a PHD & yes! after having a family & a child. Not loosing myself in this rabble was my ever priority and I am thankfully blessed with a man who understands the dreams of an extreme romanticist & the independent woman  that he tied the knot  with seven years back.

But to my dismay I see around what we girls(most of us) do in the madness of being the epitome of perfection for a wife & a daughter-in-law  without a hitch, choking the little girl inside us; and there we live the rest of our lives rummaging for our lost piece.

So, long back  I decided  on to not let that happen to myself. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter-in-law. But before everything, I am a girl to the eyes dreaming for me even today -‘my daddy & mommy’. And there you go, I being no less a dreamer myself choose to fly.

For now, doctoral on my list & I have a long one- Mind it!

In the meantime, I, Aastha, got myself geared up to enter a new phase of my life of motherhood. Still in the 29th week, I have now started to enjoy the bump, the movement of my l’ill munchkin inside the bump and the time I am spending in the preparation of its coming. I had a tough time struggling with nausea, tiredness and the ‘behavioural moods’ that led me to not accept this precious joy with the happiness that I
should’ve. A lot of me has been inside me all this while and I promise to let it all out in my next post.
For reasons so, both of us couldn’t get on to the internet and write much about what has been happening. Now we are! What has kept you all busy? Write to us and share your thoughts and experiences at candidlycaught@gmail.com
Till then, watch this space!